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Brave statesman takes on a crisis

By Scott Tibbs, December 2, 2005

State Representative Duane Cheney (D-Portage) is taking a much-needed step to stop a horrible crisis victimizing innocent people all over the Hoosier state. He is drafting a bill that would require movie theatres to post actual start times so that people do not have to sit through commercials waiting for the movie to start.

Words cannot express how grateful I am to Representative Cheney for having the courage to tackle this important issue. Indiana's entire economy is in danger of collapse because so many Hoosiers are wasting valuable time watching advertisements before the showing of a movie.

Forget property tax reform and educational reform. Social issues like abortion and homosexual marriage must be pushed to the back burner. Daylight Savings Time must take a lower priority to legislating the exact start of movie times. And Interstate 69 or tightening ethical standards for state employees? Don't make me laugh! Nothing is as important as this vital legislation.

It is an absolute tragedy that this crisis has not been addresses before now. It is long past time that this problem be fixed once and for all. Where would Indiana be without Representative Cheney? He has reached across party lines on this issue, uniting the state like never before. House Speaker Brian Bosma must make sure that Cheney's bill is the first item on the 2006 legislative agenda. I am certain that this critically important legislation will sail through with a 100-0 vote in the House and a 50-0 vote in the Senate before Governor Mitch Daniels signs it into law.

A statesman like Representative Cheney comes along less than once in a lifetime. His wisdom, courage and dedication dwarfs that of George Washington, Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan and Thomas Jefferson combined. Is he considering running for President in 2008?

If you haven't figured it out yet, the above post is sarcasm.